| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2010|05:42 pm] |
im crying.. & shivering. cuz im scared. im calling a friend. i asked my friend out. i need to get out of this shit-hole. the walls seem to be crushing down on me soon. they hate me for having so many different characters within me. i just cant figure out who i am. one moment i am this person, another moment im like a monster. im losing my friends because of this. im losing everything.
i cant seem to be who i used to be yesterday, and tomorrow im going to be a different person from today. im so scared. im afraid one day i'll really end up all alone. |
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| Jiahui |
[May. 1st, 2010|03:33 am] |
I am really upset, it seems like i can't even make my best friend happy. i don't have the money to bring her to a good dinner on her birthday, i don't have enough to open a bottle for her to enjoy, i don't have the capabilities to teach her right from wrong, i don't have an attitude that she can put up with sometimes, i don't have the patience to wait up for her to come home before i get to sleep when i used to stay at her place, i don't have the kind of time i used to have for her, i don't have so many things a best friend should be able to offer. I feel like a shit friend yet she still loves me so much, she still makes every possible effort into keeping this friendship alive. im always so touched by her actions of love and concern, she told me she cried upon thinking the day i might leave her behind in this world alone. you don't know babe, how much all these means to me, you don't know how much i love you.
im so sorry about the times we quarreled so bad, im so sorry about the times i kicked up a fuss about the clothes and shoes we agreed to share, im so sorry i made you feel so stupid whenever you talk to me about relationships. im so sorry im always getting angry at you for making mistakes you knew would happen and not helping you learn instead. im so sorry you became scared of my temper and started to hide certain things from me (but you'd still tell me in the end), im so sorry you always have to listen to what i want and give in to me. im so sorry i am such a lazy person that i have to ask you to help me cook help me take stuff help me do shit, and you always did for my sake.
im so sorry i always didnt follow you to powerhouse. im so sorry we didnt manage to go to USS, but we will soon, ok??
thank you for being everything to me, i am so happy i have this connection with you. you gave me hope whenever i was down, you help me through money and family issues, love and friendship matters as well. although sometimes you talk nonsense all your crap was able to lift me up. you put me up at your place for 11 months and through that time i enjoyed watching hk dramas with you, eating leftover food at home, snatching the computer, bathing with you, crying together when we listened to permanent by david cook like 4354738 times on repeat. i am super grateful the countless of times you stood up for me when i had shit with your maid.
remember when we used to go home together on bus 28 and 67? remember we'd get so excited whenever we get to see our 6th floor neighbour? remember all the times you lied on my bed and snatch my blanket away because you hated the fan blowing right at you? remember the times we were so sian and we ran out of ciggs we'd walk all the way to 85 just to buy ciggs and walk back in the middle of the night? remember how you hated it when i stared at the wardrobe for around half an hour just thinking what to wear and ill change my clothes at least 3 times before i left the house? remember we promised to get a coffin big enough to fit us both and melissa so that we wont ever be apart in the afterlife? oh and also remember how you like to nag at me to go see a doctor whenever im unwell but being the stubborn me will say no?
theres so many other sweet stuff you did for me i wanna thank you about and remind you about because you have a brain the size of a pea you cannot remember so many things but nevermind i know you wont ever forget me can already. :>
anyhow, i know it's not your birthday yet, but since i can't blog by 2nd may 12 am i'm posting it up now. i love you and i hope you'd have a happy birthday. if 2012 rly happens we must be together all the time in that year k so if we die we die together! since you're already 19, be wiser k dear, & be my best friend forever. :D
you'd say, "me like you."
and i'd say back, "me like you more."
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| This is what I mean |
[Apr. 28th, 2010|12:17 am] |
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I love her bones and her chanel lingerie i must be so skinny like her then i can wear chanel lingerie |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2010|12:00 am] |
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i am on the verge of giving up my long time ambition of becoming a primary school teacher. o,O |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2010|06:54 pm] |
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All the fucking bkk shit is making me so fucking pissed off. Supposed to fly on the 20th, but thanks to the fucked up riot i am still procrastinating on whether i should go, postpone date, change destination, or just cancel. If i cancel the whole trip, i have wasted my money. If i change destination, I need to top up the air fare if its more ex, pay extra charges for changing flight, book more expensive hotels, wah not funny. then if i postpone date, wont be able to follow my sister and the rest. then also if I go, gladys most probably can't go and that means sylvester most probably wont go, and that screws up our holiday plans.
SO AWESOME RIGHT.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2010|06:48 pm] |
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ANYBODY GOT A PLACE FOR ME TO STAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IM NEARLY HOMELESS D: |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2010|09:11 pm] |
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luckily im not in a relationship wah i fucking hate commitments i should go die sua |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2010|03:31 am] |
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“Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and Mom was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a board game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up?” -Author Unknown |
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secretrainbows's journal
